What would you say is the role of a mother to a child?
Don’t get me wrong because the role of a father in the family is also crucial but I will share that in another story post.
Let’s look at the role of a mother to a child and why her influence takes center-stage in shaping our future world. Now I can’t write this post without honouring my own Mother. This is a photo of my Mum and me.
We have a special relationship which is hard to explain. We’ve been through a lot of tough times together. Yet we have never taken each other for granted. Through her actions, I grew up with a road map that has often guided me when I became stuck or when I think of how I want to live my life.
I come from a background of family violence. From the age of four, I witnessed my father’s rage against my mum and many times it broke my heart. Often wishing my life was different or that I could create a new life where no one knew me. Even with a dad, I was raised by a single parent. Living with my dad never improved, it became worse and I became homeless by the time I turned seventeen.
In this post, I will trace from my own experience why I feel the role of a mother to her child is crucial for their development and well being.
Now .. are you ready for the ride to consciousness? Let’s begin ..
What is the Role of a Mother to a Child
Now that I have children of my own, I see that role of a mother to her child very differently. And since my mum lives with me, I see how her presence as a grandmother, brings graces and honour to our family’s life further.
Most of us have varying relationships with our Mothers but I’m sure you will agree with me when I say a Mother’s presence is one of great significance to a child’s life.
In my childhood, my Mother’s presence was deeply felt and filled with her unconditional love. Even though at times, I felt the rawness and challenges overwhelming, mum never bailed me out. Instead she walked with me to help me cope with my feelings. Even when I made disappointing choices, she stood by me when I cried my heart out. She helped me see clearly so I could make new choices to shape my future ahead.
Both physically and emotionally, I absorbed her love and watched actions—calm and gentle in her ways of dealing with the violence in our home. She taught me one thing, when the storm is over, we can always start anew. But.. we must go back to search the treasure during the storm because it is a precious lesson to help us grow. Wow .. those struggles were amazing times of growth.
I knew back then as I know now that I was never alone. These are memories you keep forever. Even when my mum leaves this life, I have her presence engraved in my heart.
Which means, her presence as a mother served two significant purpose, that benefited my growth and development.
- To love your child with all your heart and soul, no matter what unfolds
- To understand that your children does not belong to you.
My mom taught me to think for myself which means she presented me with opportunities to develop forward thinking so I would have a growth mindset.
Understand Your Children
What does this mean to understand your children? We all profess to love our children with all our heart and soul. Yet often we make them live out what we didn’t do or behave in our own lives. I hope that I have erased that control in my own children’s life.
Let’s look at the bigger picture that we are often presented with, without us knowing. Yes I admit, I used to live very unconsciously until I learned to surrender to a moment.
I have two children—both are totally different in characters yet the same. When I try to instill certain ideas which will benefit them, their indomitable spirit rises to bite me. “You don’t understand me”, is what they tell me. But how is this possible? They are my children right?
Imagine with me for a second—children asleep, you make a coffee to go with your book. Then little pitta patter sounds begin to emerge outside your room until a little person appears. Sometimes with a pillow .. sometimes with a teddy bear. With wide big brown eyes, a huge contagious grin, “Mummy, Daddy! Can I sleep with you?”
How would you react?
Night time is your time with your husband to relax and unwind after a hard day. Yes? What do you tell your children? It’s late and you have school, go to bed! Trust me, I’ve done this many times, myself. Until I realise, that perhaps I should try a different method. One day, I allowed them in for just a few minutes? Why is this so important to understand?
Take a Walk Down Memory Lane
Let’s be creative and say you are that 8 year old child after a long day at school going through heaps of activities and noises within the environment becoming overwhelming. Together with the constant internal conversations that fills you up until you reach home, where you no longer have to pretend. This is your haven to explore, play and just be you.
Being that conscious little being, you pour out all the activities from the struggles at school to reach a calm at the end of the day. When you are finally you, that eight year old child. Suddenly the world seems different and quiet.
At night alone in your room, your mind begins to wonder. There is a loud silence and you face yourself. How can an eight year old understand that if you give into this silence you find truth? It’s scary!
Children feelings are more intense than ours so imagine when fear takes over and the internal conversations confuses their little minds. This is why they behave in a certain way. Underneath each misbehavior lies an unmet need. To be acknowledged .. to be loved. When you understand what is needed to satisfy this, you cure the root that caused the behavior.
When this need is not met in early childhood life, it will cause chaos and entwined until it becomes a learnt behavior. You will know what I mean as we are social beings who constantly meet others at work or even others outside our home life.
I know this to be true because I’ve gone through this circle of doubt in my own conscience. The process of peeling off the conditioning in my childhood was an excruciating process, one that has shown me, me.
A Mother’s Role is One of Nurture by Listening
My children have grown up really quick. No longer do I cradle my babies close to my heart because they are big, Instead I cradle these tall little beings close to me knowing that they too are here as part of something bigger in life. Their story is only beginning.
Instead of telling them what they should be doing with their lives, I’ve recorded little videos of their childhood so they can rewind to remember their memories. To ignite forgotten joys as a young child because passions are formed in our early childhood. And within your passions you find your purpose, to manifest what you know to be true to you.
